I will let my light shine, will you?

Today is the first day where I have decided that I am going to take charge of the rest of my life.  I feel like most people would take on a project like this and write it under some sort of pseudonym, but what the hell, everyone needs to experience some sort of lacerating self-exposure that removes the veil from a facade he or she may have been hiding behind.  That's not to say that I am admitting that I haven't been true and honest to myself, but there are a few things that need to be said that I haven't necessarily had the courage to spout off into a blog, one of which that both the world and no one would be reading all at the same time.

I guess the perfect place to start is the beginning which is technically the end.

My name is Sarah.  I am a 24 year-old, Christian white female.  My demographics aside, I like to laugh, smile, and joke around.  I love food. I love Mexican, Italian, Chinese... everything. I can't lie and say that I know how to cook nor can I make the claim that I am learning how to cook.  My idea of cooking is calling for take-out... (I will make a man very happy some day).  I like to talk-a lot.  Music is key- I love listening to music, singing into my hairbrush, and having dance-offs with my friends (which is a true feat... as musically inclined as I am, I have no rhythm, but with a little help of alcohol, I can keep up with even the best of the music video vixens).  Acting and writing is also fun for me.  I consider random arts and crafts adventures to be time well spent.  I love learning new things and experiencing things I have never tried before, like how to participate in extreme sports (how not to flip a four wheeler) and I pretend to be interested in learning about cars (because let's face it, boys like cars and I am single...whoops, should I have admitted that?).  I enjoy meeting new people and making new friends, one can say I am quite social (however, since I have graduated from college it has been harder to make friends).  I like school- I am a nerd through and through (I plan on going back to school to get my doctorate).  I take pride in trying to recycle (even though the town seems to be like the villains in a Captain Planet episode... I can't find one can recycling depot...).  Animals are quite cool and interesting and I sport WWF gear because I am cool like that (and no, I don't mean the wrestling organization). I wanted to become a veterinarian for a really long time, but when I took AP Biology and had to dissect a fetal pig I changed my mind. I have decided on just having a menagerie of animals, including having a Chinese Crested... yes, they're kind of hairless. I like being outside and doing random outside activities.  I like driving around aimlessly at times, especially when I need to think. I also clean when I have a lot on my mind, needless to say my apartment is probably the cleanest one you'll ever set foot in.   I like jumping into big piles of leaves in the fall and making snowmen in the winter.  I like the color yellow, it's bright and happy.  Some things are better stale; i.e. Twizzlers and Gummy Bears (Haribo... I refuse to recognize any other kind).

I hate getting holes in my socks or any type of sock that will cause my toes to bound or get twisted up in it. I hate (or am scared of) the unknown, rejection, tornadoes, and wind turbines... you know those giant windmills that litter the Midwest... yeah, I know it's irrational, but whatever. They terrify me. I hate the attention you get from restaurants on your birthday... leave me alone... you'll make me blush awkward (more on that later)... I'll just hang out under the table until your parade of off-key singers who hate their jobs and who aren't wearing enough flair are done singing a birthday song that you created because your establishment didn't want to pay for the rights of the actual Birthday Song.  I hate standing water, but I am no germaphobe.  I mean the water that's in lakes that is clearly not being circulated (like the water in Thompson Point Lake at SIUC, where in the summer it molds, mildews, cooks, and spreads its odor like the legs of a crack-whore)... or the water in puddles that when you step in it, it's unexpectedly warm, or the standing water in sinks when one is doing dishes with little soggy food particles floating about because someone didn't know how to clean off his plate into the trash (I don't have a garbage disposal in the sink).  All make me want to vomit. I hate celery and mushrooms.  In my humble opinion, they are the worst vegetables/fungi on the face of the planet.  One should note that if a recipe calls for a specific ingredient, but you can replace it with another, almost always equally unappealing ingredient it's essentially a waste of space and no good.   

Please note that the first picture contains two of the things that terrify me... 

Oddly enough, my first true encounter with celery was when I was working out in a jail in Virginia.  I went to the dietary (where certain inmates were cleared to work) and I decided that I wanted to give celery a good ol' college try.  As I was eating the celery my tongue began to get numb, like super numb.  I had no idea what was going on and was borderline freaking out.  Honestly, the first thought that came to my mind was that I was poisoned by the inmate working in the dietary.  He had poisoned me! My tongue was going to fall off! I was going to die!  Why would someone want to poison the GED Intern?! I was there to help!  Ok, so obviously I wasn't poisoned.  As I sat quietly munching on this poisoned vegetable, I did what most logical 23 year old girls do, I Google-d it.  Lo and behold, from the help of my friends at finecooking.com, I have come to the conclusion that I am probably mildly allergic to this awful vegetable, stating, "The closest anyone I've found has come to answering this question [as to why celery makes your tongue numb] is probably what you found in your search: a post by Dr. Steve Mack, where he posted a link to a list of all of the chemicals found in celery.  He also looked through them, and decided that the best chance of numbing would come from Eugenol, which is used in temporary dental filings numb the pain." So, there you have it, folks, I was not poisoned.  Now another important food question can be posed: Why do bananas make my teeth itch?  Stay tuned for another riveting answer supplied by Google (I know you're excited). 

I am a legend, ask anyone.  Growing up, in grade school,  I was known as Chewbacca or Medusa due to the fact that I had long hair that was always messy because I was on the go. In high school I remember being called the Brian Urlacher of females because I was bigger than the majority of my friends, comparatively.  It's weird how some things you never forget, like the names you were called growing up. It wasn't all bad, I was christened with the nickname of Goose, which I grew quite fond of, as a result of a teacher not being able to pronounce my last name. Oddly enough, this problem has followed me throughout my life.  Who would've thought that having a last name, spelled exactly how it sounds, would prove to be difficult. As a result, I am known as Ms. G. at my current job, which again, is in a prison.

Every girl claims to be a girl that's just one of the guys.  I will not make that claim.  I will, however, state that I am probably more masculine in some of my personality quirks/characteristics than I am feminine and vise versa.   On a good day, I can get ready in 15 minutes, but as previously noted it can take upwards of 45 minutes if my hair is being particularly unruly, which is still faster than some of my guy friends.  I like to say that I play sports, but in reality, I am probably the person that gets asked to be on a team because they need an extra body. Regardless, I'll be super competitive which is comical because I have no idea what's going on half the time.  Speaking of not knowing what's going on, I "like to watch" and I "know" sports... my favorite teams include anything Chicago-related, except the Sox... I am a Cubs fan. Did I mention that boys like sports, so I "like" sports? I'll be straight, I know just enough to get by... I mean I enjoy watching when I am forced to watch a game, but I don't just up and decide to watch a game on TV... I will literally find anything else to watch. When asked or heckled as to why I hitch my wagon to the Chicago Cubs over the Sox or even the St. Louis Cardinals, I have my mantra: because I'm loyal, which some men seem to appreciate.  Ha.  I have played rugby while I was in college and I was on the swim team for a minute, but my true passion is sitting on the couch, participating in the food-lympics.  I've perfected the Cheetos-Arm Curl and the Chip Dip Dive.

I am outgoing and I'll talk to everyone.  I love meeting new people, from all walks of life.  I have found that I am only shy when I don't know anyone.  For example, let's say I move to a new town about seven months ago, by myself, and I am required to go out and make friends-I'll be super quiet and probably won't be a very effective communicator; take that same scenario but place me with one of my coworkers whom I've befriended and her roommates- I'll be outgoing as hell.  My amateur theory is because I have comfort and reassurance from my coworker/friend.  I guess that has played a major role in the career choices I have made.  Previous to my current job, I worked at Victoria's Secret, Bath and Body Works, and as a Day Camp Counselor.  What do all those jobs have in common? I interact with people daily and there is some sort of problem resolution, whether it dealt with an unruly 5 year old or a disgruntled customer who was trying to return a bra that was obviously from three seasons ago (over two years old), had obviously been lived in, and obviously been dried in a dryer (if you know proper bra care, you know to NEVER dry your bras in the dryer, hang dry... Gentlemen who are reading, take note, when doing laundry NEVER put your girl's bra in the dryer), but sorry ma'am, you can't return nor can you make an even exchange.  My current job is as a counselor at a prison, in a city that has been dubbed one of the most dangerous cities in the United States, specializing in drug and alcohol rehabilitation and behavior modification.  I absolutely love it.  I am in charge of facilitating group therapy daily and responsible for 30+ clients on my caseload for individual treatment.

I smile. A lot.  I smile, not because I find things funny, just because there's not enough time to do anything else, and I honestly believe that wholeheartedly.  I laugh when I'm nervous or when things get too serious. I like to laugh at myself because if you can't laugh at yourself you give permission to others to laugh at you.  When I get nervous/embarrassed/emotional/(insert any emotion that results in blushing) instead of my face turning the shade of a tomato (another disgusting vegetable), my chest gets splotchy.  It's my body's way of saying, "Hey! I'm blushing and I am awkward!"  It's kind of turned into a game with a few of my sadistic (yet lovable) coworkers to see who can make my chest get weird.

I love the cars that I drive.  My first car was a hand-me down from my mom.  It was a '96 Jeep Cherokee that I donned with the name Barney for the obvious reason:

Clearly I am awesome at parallel parking...

As you can discern, it is, in fact, Barney-purple.  All it needs is that awful lime green spot in the center.  It was really a great car solely because if I forgot where I parked, all I'd have to do is look for the giant purple mass, the bruise in the parking lot, if you will.  It didn't have automatic anything- no ABS, power windows, power locks, and I am not entirely convinced that it had power steering.  It came with the bare essentials- wheels.  I was lucky enough to have a CD player in the beast, but my brother blew out the back speakers, so anything above 22 on the volume would sound like there were rocks in the speakers... aka no bass. 

I now drive a '03 Chrysler PT Cruiser... it's a Turbo... Yea, I am bragging... what of it, want to fight about it?  I do thoroughly love this car.  The owners before me only drove it around town so it was pretty legit for an '03.  They were also old, and I am going to assume loaded, because it had all the bells and whistles, which was a very drastic change from Barney.  Pete (get it, PT Cruiser... PETE! Ha.) has a sunroof, all leather interior, ABS, a traction control, six-disc CD changer, WORKING speakers, a compass and thermometer, a working emergency break, and... get this... butt warmers!  The only complaint that I have is the fact that Pete is not built for weather... of any kind... driving in Virginia was no problem, but now living in the Midwest... you know, where the weather happens... I have spun out on highways too frequently to count.  That and apparently Cam Shaft Position Sensors don't like to work in Pete... he's finicky for aftermarket parts.

So fresh and so clean! Pete Bruiser, the PT Cruiser... Pete for short!

I don't lie, just know that. I will explain things to you in such a way that preserves your feelings.  I do tell white lies from time to time, I am not perfect.  If you do lie to me, I will find out.  I have my sources and, most times, they are very reliable.  Just tell the truth, 99.9% of the time I won't be mad.  I will 100% be mad if I find out you lied to me.

I believe that people have the right to their own opinion and I like to talk with people who think outside the box.  I hate people who are close-minded because they ended up being the most ignorant people I've ever met. I think this is because I find that I am so open-minded and willing to look at things from different perspectives that it perplexes me when someone doesn't believe, or do, the same.

I want to die in a large vat of vanilla pudding.  Before I die, I want to be that crazy grandma with the blue hair who is always wearing jogging suits and who tells epic stories about going to the grocery store to buy eggs, but makes it to be a tale of life and death.  I also want to be the grandma that talks in weird messages so my kids/grandkids have to decode what it really means... you know, like in Mulan, how at the end the Emperor of China says, "The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all."  Then he has to continue to explain, "A girl like that doesn't come around every dynasty."  Except, I wouldn't explain anything... haha... my kids/grandkids would have to learn the life lesson and then be like, "Oh, so that's what mom/grandma was talking about."  I also want to be the grandma that is really obsessed and dresses up as Mrs. Claus for Christmas.  Yes, I do have it all planned out.

My one and only dream...

A part of my childhood died the day Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin passed away (RIP 1962-2006).  My boobs sagged a little when I realized that there are some things that my kids will never experience that I was able to grow up with, like good cartoons/television, Dunk-A-Roos, Koala Yummies, etc... basically anything on this list provided by Buzzfeed.  Also, Buzzfeed is sheer genius.

I absolutely love my curly hair.  It makes me feel alive and bouncy.  It's different, not straight, like the hair of  everyone else... why strive for something that you know you can't achieve... or strive for something that will just do what it wants anyway? No one's got hair like mine... unless you're Stephanie... but she even straightens her hair to curl it... Looks gorgeous, girl! Super jealous... I'll live with this:

Au Natural                    Styling                      Curly                   Straight                     Straight Curly 

I will always be the weird girl.  Yes, I'm weird, and yes, I love it.  I am told it's weird in a "good" way.  I am not too concerned about it though, I'm not going to change.  I have another amateur theory: I think it's good that I am weird, especially considering where I work.  At the prison, all the inmates (we call them clients and henceforth I will refer to them as such) know that I am weird.   I know I am weird, they know I am weird.  To me, being weird shows the guys that I am comfortable enough to be who I am, regardless of how others interpret my actions, behaviors, intentions, or character.  That, in turn, I think, gives them permission to be who they are... maybe allow them to drop the "tough guy" routine.  Kinda like in Coach Carter where that delinquent kid quotes Marianne Williamson: "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." I will let my light shine, will you?

Yep, that's the delinquent, but oh how he changed!  Also, remember when Channing Tatum was in this movie?

Congratulations for making it to the end.  Your mother would be so proud.