Amazing Career Advice from the Nerd-Herd Mascot

Because I am such an adult now, I was inspired to write this entry as I was updating my SIU Alumni Member Profile.  There was a portion of the profile was entitled "Mentoring."  Again, because I am such an adult, I utilized my resources to figure out what "Mentoring" was all about. Essentially, as a Mentor I would "Give mock interviews, participate in a workshop, or lead a class discussion." Considering my history and work experience I felt confident that I could participate in something like that and because I am very confident in my abilities and may have an inflated sense of self from time to time, I thought I would be great at it--especially for those that are majoring in and/or planning on breaking into the psychology field.

Get it?!  AHHHHHHAHAHAHHA

Thinking back to when I was in college, I would have been very grateful to have access to someone who actually had experienced what I am experiencing now: barely working in the field because I have a masters degree that won't help me get a license or certification (and treatment facilities want you to have a license for liability purposes--and they can charge more for treatment) while hopelessly maintaining my undying dream of obtaining a doctorate degree... because you know... adult.  Instead, I was provided with doctoral graduate students and professors who had already earned their doctorates which continued to fuel my pipe dream because, as mentioned in a previous post, I had unrealistic expectations of what I thought to be entitled to and I felt that I was not so different than those psychology representatives.  At that time I didn't feel like failure was an option or even the reality of the situation, but ultimately if I knew then what I know now I would have immediately applied to SIUE's Social Work Masters Program instead of doing it the long way.  HOWEVER, I am a very firm believer that if I had, I would not be where I am at now with the people whom I love gaining experience in the field at a job that I enjoy going to.  So life has a funny way of working itself out sometimes.

Anyway, as I was filling out this Mentoring section of the SIUAA Member Profile, there was a section that was entitled "Career Advice."  Nothing else.  There was no prompt.  No example.  Did they want career advice that has been given to me?  If so, that would be short and sweet: 

Did they want me to come up with my own? I didn't know. I tried to think back on nuggets of advice that I had received in my 2 years and 5 months of adult job experience.  Very limited.  So I tried to Google it (try it, there's zero examples; they gave me templates for resumes and the like).  No luck.  So then I was really curious and just wanted to answer it for myself and this is what I have come up with because I know everyone would love to have this gem:

·         Successful people listen and keep their mouth shut when in doubt. Personally, I struggle with this, but learning to listen allows you to gain understanding of the situation that you are in.  It ensures that you obtain all of the facts you need BEFORE you respond.  It also allows you to formulate questions to clarify the information so you can do your job well.  Plus, sometimes people don’t like Chatty Cathys. 

·         Passion is important. Don't be in a hurry to find or concerned that you haven’t found your passion yet.  If you’re unhappy at your current place in life, contrary to popular belief, that’s a good thing!  It’s a sign that you need a change to find something that makes you happy.   Life is all about trial and error; same goes for passion.  But be prepared, if you're going into the psychology, there will be no big payday unless you become a doctor... maybe...

·         Be likable and put your best foot forward.  Remember when you dreaded group projects in college?  Yeah, what they don’t tell you is that the majority of jobs are one giant group project.  That means that most bosses and supervisors are looking for candidates that “play well with others” and won’t be a problem for HR.  Treat others the way you want to be treated.  I know, I know, you don’t go to work to be liked, but it sure is easier to work with your coworkers if they like you and vice versa. 

·         Never bash the competition, or yourself, and focus on being humble. You know what I hate most about political campaign season?  Candidates running ads that bash or promote propaganda about their component.  It’s tacky.  It’s just as tacky to bash your coworker when you both are vying for the same promotion.  Have you heard the saying, “What Sally says of Susie says more about Sally than it does of Susie?”  Your badmouthing will reflect poorly on you and your character—not someone people usually want to promote within their company.  Likewise, bashing yourself is just as annoying—it appears that you’re fishing for compliments.  This isn’t high school, you know you’re awesome.  However there is a fine line to knowing your abilities; you want to strive to be humble not self-centered.  People don’t like that either.  Let’s just say people are particular.

·         The smartest people can explain complex issues in simple terms. That’s pretty self-explanatory.  Don’t be superfluous and make sure you’re making sense to your target audience.  Not everyone is going understand the chemical construct and the biological concepts of how high dopamine levels contribute to schizophrenia, but everyone can understand that schizophrenia is caused by a chemical imbalance.

·         Be a firm, fair, and consistent.

·         Understand what you don't do well and learn to ask for help or for what you want. Pride has no place at the workplace.  You’ll never learn if you don’t take a step back and assess what you’re struggling with and/or ask for help.  Some people may see it as weak, but I see this as a sign of strength as you know your weaknesses and are working towards improving on them—i.e. turn them in to strengths. 

·         Learn to read body language.  Regardless if you’re in a meeting with your boss or on a date, body language communicates more information than the words that are being expressed.  When you learn to read the signals, you can figure out how much he or she is into you or what you’re pitching (or isn't).   Here’s a crash course: Dilated pupils (more importantly eye contact), torso and feet facing you, posture is open, tilting a head toward you—all good signs.   Fidgeting, no eye contact, closed off (i.e. arms crossed), fast nodding indicates impatience and means that you should gracefully end the meeting as quickly as possible and try again later or in another way.

·         Dress to win.  Follow your company’s dress code; it’s in place for a reason.  In most cases companies want you to dress professionally as it communicates competency, professionalism, and dedication.  If you’re a psychologist and required to go to court to speak on your client’s behalf and you’re dressed in your pajamas… your credibility by the court will be in question.  As much as I hate to say this, professionally your appearance (not looks) matters.

·         If you aren't part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
Spend that time you would have spent whining on creating ways that you can fix the problem.  Part of finding solutions is finding the problem, but the other part—the most important part—is solving it.  Your bosses will appreciate your hard work.

·         Constructive criticism sucks, but we all need it.  Just like learning to ask for help, actively look for constructive criticism.  It’s another way to help you improve your work.  But, you have to be open to hearing it—whether you agree or not.  If people see that you’re defensive they’ll never waste their time giving your real feedback or be more concerned with having to deal with the emotional fallout afterwards.  This was a very difficult lesson that I needed to learn.  Just remember: just because you were given constructive criticism doesn’t mean that you’re a failure at life, that you suck as a person, or that you’re fired.  It just means that your boss found something that needed a little work.   

·         Practice self-discipline, prioritizing, and time management. Set goals, have timetables and schedules, be realistic.   Time flies and if you have deadlines it can seem as if there is not enough time in the world to get things done.  Learning to manage your time effectively (not spending five hours checking your email in your 8-hour workday) and prioritizing tasks (not completing a mental health reassessment that is due next year instead of an individual treatment plan for a client’s quarterly staffing tomorrow) are great skills to have.  

·         After writing up an email, think many times before sending it.  I struggle with emails.  I am very professional and respectful when working face-to-face with supplemental treatment providers or the parents of the clients, but with email (writing in general) I am more candid and my true feelings of that parent or treatment provider seem to shine through.  Because I know this, I write, rewrite, and write the email again and even before I send it I go to a coworker or my boss (who knows my plight) and ask them to read it to ensure that I am not coming off as rude or disrespectful when complaining about how much I hate you as a professional. 

·         Be yourself. In group settings, you usually serve the group best by thoughtfully expressing exactly what you are thinking—good and bad.  You are in a unique position to provide a different perspective as no one thinks just the same as you do and may just end up solving world hunger.  People can also sense when you’re not being genuine. Most importantly, would you want to work at a job where you feel like you’re required to stifle who you really are?  (Note: There is a time a place for certain behaviors—so be yourself, but ensure you have a trusty internal filter).

·         Take ownership about everything that you do. Good or bad. Point-blank-period.  Accountability for your actions is huge; it shows integrity and personal growth.  Again, this may be a jumping point for learning new things to improve yourself overall.

·         Know when to be ambitious or persistent and when to let go.

·         Learn to relax and take care of yourself. Often overachievers are passionate about many things—I would know—but it's important to learn not to always care so much about the little, insignificant things.  This is the primary problem that leads to burnout in the workplace.  Don’t always put your needs or your life on hold for your job.  That only hurts you.   A healthy life outside of work refreshes you, expands your longevity, sparks your creativity.   Think about it: remember when you hated your friend because she stopped hanging out when she met her boyfriend?  Yeah, just like the bad idea of giving up your friends or hobbies for your love interest, it's a bad idea to give up the rest of your life for  your career.

·         Shoot for the moon. To be successful, don't limit yourself.  Your limit is only determined by how far you reach for. 

"Appreciate the people you work with, take care of your investors, celebrate successes along the way, communicate lavishly - good news and bad news, tell the truth, don’t try to maximize everything, and stop to smell the roses. Life is pretty short and most of what really matters doesn’t happen at the office." –Joel Peterson

There you have it, folks.  You made it through another long post, but hopefully you found something to take away from it.  If not, I had fun writing it.

Why is it that the most fragile thing we have, our life, is the thing we're most hard on?

There are a few events that I have experienced that have put my life into perspective, call it bad luck, fate, poor planning/preparation, or Divine Intervention.  I like to think that it was, in part, God knocking me off my high horse and taking me down a few pegs from having a sense of entitlement to one of humility.  I will forever be grateful for these random life events that made me take a step back and be quiet to take a look at the world for what it really is and not what I expect or want it to be.  As you know, it's a true feat to get me to shut-up, so it's makes it even more impressive.

The first event(s) that comes to mind when I was a junior, then a senior, in college.  Someone close to me was diagnosed with cancer.  Junior year, one of my best friends was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.  Senior year, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.  Cancer is only the uncontrolled growth of abnormal cells in the body.  Only.  For me, this brought the idea of mortality to the forefront of my thoughts and anxiety.  The thought that, like autoimmune diseases, cancers result from our body going wild bothered me.  Cells that are, at one point, normal reproduce awkwardly causing our bodies or a specific organ system to essentially shut down if left untreated.  What? Literally self-destruction.  At the age of 20, this was a complete and total shock.  My best friend wasn't supposed to get cancer... she is so young.  My mom wasn't supposed to get cancer... she is so health conscious and exercises daily.  Thank goodness both my mom and my best friend were treated and now in remission for their cancers via radiation and chemotherapy, respectively, but it still awoke in me a troubling thought.

When we're younger, we're not aware of our own mortality.  We live life like we're invincible and take stupid risks, make stupid decisions, and live with general disregard brazenly slapping on the annoying idiom of "YOLO!"  Now I am not arguing that you shouldn't live your life to its fullest, but I am not championing for taking unnecessary risks that ensure negative consequences or results.  I think people should chant "YOLOBTIT!" You only live once, but think it through. The thought of going into adulthood without one of my best friends was traumatizing.  We have shared so much throughout the years, supported one another through various lows and celebrated various highs.  We can get together and talk and it literally feels as if no time has passed. Could I live without her unconditional support regardless of the geographical distance, regardless of the time elapsed between our conversations, longer still, our hang-outs?

If that wasn't enough, the thought of  living without my mom was a harder pill to swallow.  When my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer we hadn't even began to scratch the surface of our "adult" relationship yet.  Throughout the years our relationship has grown and developed into something that Hallmark would write a greeting card about and Lifetime would make a unnecessarily sappy movie about probably starring Rob Lowe.   Could I live without my mom sharing future milestones with me? My wedding? The birth of my first, second, and third child? God willing, the birth of my children's children? Looking back at all of the proverbial ledges she talked me down from when my anxiety was going haywire, the various attempts to mend my broken heart, and the multiple times she was uplifting when my confidence was shaky made me appreciate her for more than just being my mother, but for a woman who has lived life and so full of life experience that she can say things and ensure me that everything and, more importantly, I would be ok.  Most importantly, she made me believe it.  Could I live without that?

The second event was when I was in grad school in Virginia.  Up until this point, I was feeling as if I was on top of the world.  I was crushing it in my Forensic Psychology program, killed it at my internship, had a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and family and friends that supported me in all of my endeavors.  The only worry that I did have at the time was hearing from these doctoral programs.  This problem consumed me.  I wanted (still want) it so bad.  I worked so hard.  I am so passionate about my desire to get immersed in the field. I DESERVED it (example of the false sense of entitlement I had).  I had already received three rejection letters and was waiting to hear from two more, one of which was from the school that was number one on my list.  The names of the universities will remain undisclosed to protect their identity and help them save face for  the stupid decision they made of not accepting me in their various programs (HA).

In the midst of this apprehensive game I had with the mailman, patiently waiting until he vacated the apartment mailbox just to see if I had a letter from a prospective program, I received news from a loved one telling me of a medical condition that essentially would require a significant lifestyle change.  The news was scary, devastating, anxiety provoking, you name it.  It literally rocked my world.  That very night I received my fourth and fifth rejection letters from the schools I was waiting to hear from.  You know what, I didn't even care.  The priority was no longer doctoral programs and graduation, but it had shifted to the well-being, happiness, and love of my loved one.  The world seemed to melt away in that instant.  My priorities had been grossly distorted, but in that instant they became clear.  My true wants and priorities in life became evident and at that moment, the doctoral programs were definitely not at the top of the list.

Lastly, everyone who knows me knows how passionate I am about my work and my work product.  I will sacrifice lunch breaks, work on projects on my own time, and go the extra mile for a client when I am able.  As of late, the work environment has changed ever-so-slightly.  Ok, less ever-so-slightly and more like extremely.  Until recently I never realized the similarities between the job place and high school.  It's eerie.  The only difference being that I was able to fly under the radar in high school and avoid the drama.  Now, I feel as if I am smack dab in the middle of it all.

Now, working in the predominantly male, quasi-military environment comes with a few expectations which seemingly sets feminism and women's rights back a few hundred years.  As a female, you're expected to be looked at.  Expected to be talked about. Expected to be objectified.  Expected to be hit on.  Unfortunately, it should also be noted that you may be subjected to nasty rumors.  In my experience, granted it may be a bit biased considering I am too close to the situation, it appears that this is much worse for young, single, and dare I say attractive women.  Most times these things can just roll off one's back, but it also may effect one's motivation and desire to work.  Having to deal with the daily responsibilities of the job and field rumors about one's relationships, or alleged relationships, can be trying.  What's worse, those in supervisory positions may not take the time to differentiate between what is rumor and what is fact and treat you based off of what he or she hears, regardless of the validity.  The problem then arises that they cannot technically hold you accountable or reprimand you for these "relationships" because no where in the contract does it say you cannot have relationships with these men (not clients), but they begin to hold you at a higher standard than your coworkers--ensuring that you cross your t's and dot your i's.

Additionally, women may now be subjected to the residual consequences of women who've made mistakes before you.  Women who had affairs with other married men.  Women who had sexual relations in various locations of the prison.  Women who couldn't handle relationships going south.  Women who slept around with multiple men at the workplace. Women who have had sex with inmates.  On one hand they tell you that you're a valuable employee, an asset to the company, but on the other hand, they are punishing you preemptively because of your alleged relationships and the supervisors essentially don't want to be caught with their pants down.

Due to this culmination of job stress, I decided to apply and recently interviewed for the U.S. Federal Probation Office.  I am not necessarily looking for a new job, but this was an opportunity I didn't want to slip by.  As I've said, despite all of the added stress, I love the job that I do.  I love helping the clients.  I was told to allow 45 minutes for the panel interview (of 3 men and 2 women of varying rank within the U.S. Probation).  My interview lasted an hour and a half.  I felt super confident.  I felt that the panel talked me up, stating that they loved the fact that I have drug and alcohol abuse treatment in my background and that I currently worked with offenders because that means I already knew how to talk to them.  I was feeling great!  That was two weeks ago.

Yesterday I received a rejection letter in the mail from the U.S. Federal Probation Office stating that I didn't get the job.  This reminded me of the multiple times I had been rejected from doctoral programs.  It was a short, two-paragraph letter of the generic nature.  You know the kind where they have a stock note and copy your name in various areas of the letter, thanking me for my time, but apologizing that I wasn't selected.  Nothing special.  Nothing unique.  Nothing specific.  I was bummed.  I was downright sad.  This was an instance where I put the carriage before the horse and was super excited about the possibilities of a new job.  The possibility of starting over.  The possibility of contributing to something bigger.  The possibility of running away from the drama at work.

I didn't understand why I didn't get the job.  I thought the interview was stellar.  I met, no exceeded, all of the requirements.  I was passionate.  I answered all of the interview questions like my mom, my mom's best friend, and I had practiced.  I wanted that job.  I DESERVED that job.  Well, turns out I didn't.  Having talked to a few people at work, it was revealed to me that most times, getting jobs in probation, whether it federal or state, rely heavily on who you know, not necessarily what you know.  It's political.  It's not fair.

Coincidentally, that same day at work I had to facilitate a group curriculum entitled, "Life is Not Fair."  How fitting.  Essentially, this curriculum touched on things that would appear to be common sense, but for most people, unless it's pointed out to you, can go without notice.  People are dealt different hands.  Some have it easier than others.  Some work harder than others.  You have the ability to change your fate if you decide to work hard enough.  Bottom line, you can change your perspective to change your outlook.  By looking at things from a different perspective you can begin to understand, cope, and move on from things in life that you felt were unfair.  If we continuously live our lives like the world owes us something just because we feel a sense of entitlement just makes things worse for us.  We won't learn how to work harder for what we want.  We will still live with the idea that things should be handed to us because that would be "fair."

Side note: I also learned that milk cows, the ones that give us the milk we drink, continuously have to be pregnant or nursing in order to produce and provide us with milk.  My mind was blown!  I mean, it makes sense, but as a girl who didn't grow up in the country or on a farm it really was fascinating.

Upon hearing the news of my most recent rejection, friends texted things like: "It happened for a reason," "That means there's something better ahead," and the like.  First, these are great friends.  At the time it annoyed me because, like the rejection letter, it just felt empty and generic.  Changing my perspective showed me that they did care.  They knew how much I wanted, needed, this job.  They empathized and sympathized with me.  They just didn't know what to say, like when a loved one passes and someone says "They're in a better place now."  I have great friends.  One recently told me that God doesn't forget the good people.  I sure hope he's right, but until then, I'll be here doing a job that I genuinely love and being grateful for the things that I am blessed with because all in all, I don't have it so bad.  Life is fair.  It's all a matter of taking a step back and changing our perspective.

Dating and Why I Suck at It.

In my humble opinion, there is nothing more awkward, more anxiety-inducing, or more infuriating than starting a new relationship... or talking... or dating... or hanging out... or going steady (is it the 1950s?)... or whatever it is being called now-a-days.  I have been pondering writing this post for a long time now.  It has been sitting in the recesses of my mind, just begging to be written, but, for whatever reason, I couldn't begin to even just sit in front of the computer to type it.  Even now, writing this intro, I seem to lack the eloquence required to emphasize the importance of this topic that many (or maybe just me) seem to struggle with. 

Growing up, I never really dated or particularly held the interest of the opposite sex.  Granted, I was a late bloomer (some would argue that I have recently "come into my own" within the last couple of months and still struggling with "Ugly Duckling Syndrome"), but really, I wasn't too unfortunate looking... I would say I was cute (hey, we all have insecurities about our high school selves)... I was more awkward.  Goofy. Smart.  I was myself, which seemed to intimidate people.  Boys didn't typically like that or they didn't make it known that they liked that.  So I was just me and I was content with that.  Having always been told that I had an old soul or that I was more mature for my age it's no wonder why I struggled in high school... 

Sophomore Year (15 years old)... getting it a bit.
Outfit looks better... jewelry choice is a step up..
Straight hair obviously beginning to go unruly..
Shine?   I also have appeared to discover
tweezers...

Freshman Year (14 years old)... So much going on in this
picture. Mullet-like hair... Thick Eye Brows... Pukka Shell
Necklace... Fakest smile ever... Am I wearing a bra?

Junior Year (16 years old)... Hermione stage... That's all...
This is when my hair STARTED to get curly...
Aside from that smile (what is that smile... looks like I'm about
to sneeze...) not too terrible.

Senior Year (17 years old)... the basis of what I
look like today.  I would have rethought that
section of hair I pulled back, but a good pic
overall.  

I didn't get my first kiss until the summer before junior year of high school from a guy that I worked with (but boy, were the details surrounding that first kiss movie-worthy... I'm talking the older, popular jock and me, the nerd-herd mascot... breaking social hierarchy with one awkwardly eager lip-lock. I would have been the young female hero-lead in a teenage drama for sure).  After that, there was a boy or two who stole a couple of kisses here and there, but I didn't get my real first boyfriend until I was a senior in high school.  I am convinced that the only reason this happened was because he didn't know me/who I was because he went to a different high school... we met at work.  It's not that I wasn't well liked at school, but people had already formed their opinions of me (ie. awkward, weird girl) and it's really hard to break or shake those categorizations.  Had he known me as long as my classmates had, I don't know if he would've found me as normal, for a lack of a better word... (really, my dorkability even seemed to scare off the most notable poindexters).   I can't really say that it was a real learning experience because some of the details escape me, but I did share some important milestones with him that I'll never forget and always appreciate.  

I didn't really date in college or graduate school either. To be honest, I was more interested in my future career and trying to get into terminal degree programs. 

The "dating" experience that I did have seemed to include characters like a German foreign exchange student who kissed like he was a fish out of water, guys who were more interested in their cars/fraternities/themselves, a guy who called me out on the fact that I couldn't match my clothes to save my life (what... paisley and tie dye go together, right?), and guys who weren't "ready" for a real relationship, but super ready for a more physically driven relationship. So, as it stands, I am a girl who has had two--count them--two--real relationships.  As such, it is safe to say that I have gotten most of my "dating" experience and expectations from what I have heard from my more socially adept friends, what I read in books, and what I've seen in movies... let's just say Disney gave me unrealistic expectations of both my hair and relationships... 

Due to my history in dating, or lack thereof, I am currently facing a huge, huge, HUGE learning curve.  I am currently experiencing and going through things that, as my mom delicately reminds me, the majority of girls experienced and learned while in high school and in college.  One could say that I may be a tad relationally jaded.  It's a constant battle within myself, continuously analyzing, reanalyzing, and over-analyzing every interaction that I have with a man that I am interested in.  I can't help it.  I neither choose to do this to myself nor do I wish it upon my worst enemies.  My Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) tends to get the better of me in this part of my life because it's the only thing that I can't have direct control over.  No amount of deep breathing will control your significant other's actions, words, or thoughts.  It's really the only thing in life that you can't even be proactive in... everything is reactive based on the actions of the other individual and their actions are based on your actions/reactions... it's just a weird, exhausting cycle.  You see, in order to have a successful relationship, there has to be cooperation between two individuals.  When that balance is skewed--the only time that balance can be skewed-- is when someone is trying to deliberately sabotage the relationship. I am used to being in control of my life.  Over every aspect of it.  This is new to me.  I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that. It scares the hell out of me, which is weird considering most people are afraid of commitment.  Nay, I am not afraid of commitment... I am more afraid of and hate that phase where you're just starting to get to know/like an individual before a title of boyfriend or girlfriend is given because that's the time where he or she can really change his or her mind as to whether or not they like you.  This is the vulnerability state.  Essentially you're giving the other individual insight to who you are and allowing them to make a decision to cast you aside or keep you-- making the ultimate decision of whether or not they like who you are... your character... your personality... what you look like... you thoughts, dreams, ambitions, etc... That's what is scary as hell to me, not the idea of sharing a life with someone or having someone to rely on.  

                                   

One could potentially argue that I am suffering from self-esteem issues.  I would have to come clean and say that you're right, but only because I lack the experience or knowledge.  Knowledge is power!  Additionally, I sometimes still suffer, as mentioned earlier, from what I like to call "The Ugly Duckling Syndrome".  In my amateur theory, UDS is something you experience when you were not necessarily appealing to the opposite sex growing up, but now are gorgeous or appealing.  You still struggle with feelings of inadequacy because you haven't broken that image you hold of yourself from your "ugly" stage.  It's like a weird Operant Conditioning (reinforcement and punishment associated with certain behavioral changes) experiment.  For so long we were punished for a particular attribute it will take a minute for us to be reinforced for that same attribute years later (I don't know if that even makes sense, but it makes sense to me... someone should let me know if they understand what I am saying...).  Again, I feel like I am pretty, but mostly because other people tell me that I am.  I still am/get insecure sometimes and that's ok; that's normal (but admitting to that is unattractive in some circles because confidence is attractive and this is a sign of weakness, which again leads to the punishment idea). 

The Thought Catalog has created a very accurate and ingenious list surrounding the nature of dating today.  It has completely encapsulated everything I would want and do want to say in relation to the skewed dating scene.  (I had to do very little thinking in the creation of this post... just found some pretty amazing gifs and pictures!)  In the 18 Ugly Truths About Modern Dating That You Have To Deal With gone are the days of legitimately dating... you know, being picked up, a guy bringing you flowers, holding doors open, going steady, wearing his jacket, and symbolically being given his class ring.  Instead, we are given a set of undeniable truths that leave a lot to be desired... 

1. The person who care less has all the power.  Nobody wants to be the one who's more interested.

Boy, do I have years of anecdotal evidence that supports this claim.  Picture it: A girl likes a guy.  Guy shows no interest (aka in the position of caring less).  Girl gets the hint and moves on (thereby the position of caring less shifts).  Guy is in love with the girl.  It is one of the sickest jokes in the universe.   

2. Because we want to show how cavalier and blase we can be to the other person, little psychological games like 'Intentionally Take Hours Or Days To Text Back' will happen.  They aren't fun.

I. Fucking. Hate. These. Games.  I don't understand these games.  Like I said, I don't have much experience dating and, as a result, don't have much experience playing the stupid mind games.  I understand the importance of playing it close to the vest, but I am one of those individuals who lives by the mantra, "A closed mouth doesn't get fed."  I will tell a guy how I feel about him.  In fact, if I don't, I have this thing that likes to ruin my life called GAD which makes me tell the guy how I feel because I have convinced myself that he's completely oblivious to the obvious signs and signals I am sending. (Side note: this is an awesome depiction of how my GAD works in general and in relationships in The Difference Between Men and Women from Reddit.com...)  I might as well be screaming, "I LIKE YOU!" at the top of my lungs while I use flag signals to emphasize my point.  

3. A person being carefree because they have zero interest in you looks exactly like a person being carefree because they think you're amazing & are making a conscious effort to play it cool.  Good luck deciphering between the two. 

4. Making phone calls is a dying art. Chances are, most of your relationship’s communication will happen via text, which is the most detached, impersonal form of interaction. Get familiar with those emoticon options.

I would rather talk on the phone.  It gives you the opportunity to hear their voice, inflection, tone, etc.  ALL THE THINGS THAT ARE LOST IN A TEXT MESSAGE.  Really, if you thought about it, how many fights or hurt feelings could have been avoided had a conversation taken place as opposed to texting one another... you miss the unspoken ques that make communication an art... like sarcasm, laughter, pauses made for emphasis or dramatics.  Additionally, I could easily say what I want to say ten times faster than it would be for me to type it out (obvious statement--look how long-winded I am in my blog posts).

5. Set plans are dead. People have options and up-to-the-minute updates on their friends (or other potential romantic interests) whereabouts thanks to texts & social media. If you aren't the top priority, your invitation to spend time will be given a “Maybe” or “I’ll let you know” and the deciding factor(s) will be if that person has offers more fun/interesting than you on the table.
Having been told this line multiple times, when it's put in this perspective my GAD rears its ugly head... This is almost just as bad as watching He's Just Not That Into You when you're contemplating whether or not a guy actually likes you... all you want to do is shoot yourself in an extremity that you hope you don't need to use any time soon... but this is no where near as bad when you come to the realization that the guy you're "dating" only takes you on weekday dates... Why yes, random Tuesdays are the most perfect time to go on a date! Aka... you're good for Tuesday, but you should see Saturday... Saturday's a babe!

6. Someone who hurt you isn't automatically going to have bad karma. At least not in the immediate future. I know it only seems fair, but sometimes people cheat and betray and move on happily while the person they left is in shambles.

Justin, you hit the nail on the head with that one...

7. The only difference between your actions being romantic and creepy is how attractive the other person finds you. That’s it, that’s all.

8. “Let’s chill” & “Wanna hang out?” are vague phrases that likely mean “let’s hookup” — and while you probably hate receiving them, they’re the common way to invite someone to spend time these days, and appear to be here to stay.

Just ask me on a freaking date! 

9. Some people just want to hookup and if you’re seeking more than sex, they won’t tell you that they’re the wrong person for you. At least, not until after they score your prize. While human decency is ideal, honesty isn't mandatory.

10. The text message you sent went through. If they didn't respond, it wasn't because of malfunctioning phone carrier services.
They're not responding because they want you to crawl back into the Friendzone from which you tried to escape from...

11. So many people are scared of commitment and being official that they’ll remain in a label-free relationship, which blurs lines and only works until it doesn't. I've said it many times before, I’ll say it again – “we’re just talking” is opening the door for cheating that technically wasn't cheating because, hey, you weren't together together.
You know, I can't speak for everyone, but I know that in part my anxiety revolves around the fact that there is no clarification as to what we are, what we are doing, or what the guy's intentions are.  I just need a label and everything will be fine.  That way I know what my limitations are. So I don't hurt you and, more importantly, so I don't get hurt.  Are we dating? Are we exclusive? Are we talking? If so, what the hell does that mean?!  

12. Social media creates new temptations and opportunities to cheat. The private messaging and options for subtle flirtation (e.g. liking of pictures) aren't an excuse or validation for cheating, but they certainly increase the chances of it happening.

13. Social media can also create the illusion of having options, which leads to people looking at Facebook as an attractive people menu instead of a means of keeping contact with friends & family.

14. You aren't likely to see much of someone’s genuine, unfiltered self until you’re in an actual relationship with him or her. Generally people are scared that sincerely putting themselves out there will result in finding out that they’re too available, too anxious, too nerdy, too nice, too safe, too boring, not funny enough, not pretty enough, not some other person enough to be embraced.

15. Any person you get romantically involved with you’ll either wind up staying with forever or breaking up with them at some point. These are equally terrifying concepts.

You just have to remember, chances are, the other person is fearing the EXACT same thing... we all have baggage and we all have to deal with our past relationships.  Our past relationships are the things that have imprinted upon us the expectations, fears, deal-breakers, and outlooks we have on our current and future relationships.  We don't live in a vacuum.  

16. When dating, instead of expressing how they feel directly to you, a person is more likely to post a Facebook status or Instagram a Tumblr-esque photo of a sunset with a quote or song lyric of someone else’s words on it, and while it may not mention your name, it’s blatantly directed at you.

And I thought it was bad the time a guy I was dating broke up with me the weekend before my birthday... in a text message... in the middle of a hurricane...  I really, really, really wish I was kidding... Haha.  Again, another event which supports the idea that my life is really movie-esque... who does that happen to except characters in movies or tv shows?! This is not real life...  

17. There are plenty of people who’ll have zero respect for your relationship and if they want the person you’re with, they’ll have no qualms with trying to overstep boundaries to get to ‘em. Girl code and guy code are wishful thinking and human code isn't embedded in everyone.

I know I shouldn't be making assumptions like this, but it seems like all of these people have been round up and placed in my work environment... I don't know what it is about correctional officers (some, not all... if it doesn't apply let it fly), but extramarital affairs appears to be part of the job description... from what I have heard... again, this is only heresy. 

18. If you get dumped, it’s probably going to be pretty brutal. People can cut ties over the phone and avoid seeing the tears stream down your face or end things via text and avoid hearing the pain in your cracking voice and sniffling nose. Send a lengthy text and voilà, relationship over. The easy way out is far from the most considerate.
See Above: I was broken up with in a text message... (#16).

Yes, in a pre-feminism era Disney didn't do a very good job at giving girls proper expectations for dating.  They were always reassuring the audience that her prince will some day come to the rescue and make things right with the world by slaying the ugly dragon or destroying the wicked witch while being atop a horse and singing a ballad ultimately painting a picture that the couple will live happily ever after.  However, recently, Disney has come out with a few movies that kind of break that mold.  Off the top of my head I can name a few: Mulan (my favorite; a Chinese woman goes and saves the country of China... with the help of her leading man... but she was essentially the brains of the operation... obviously... you think those bumbling band of misfits would have thought to dress in drag?), Disney Pixar's Brave (a story about the relationship of a mother and daughter sans a love interest), and Disney Pixar's Frozen (ok... so there was a leading male that came in a swept up one of the main characters, but the story was primarily about the bond of sisters... that and Disney finally acknowledged the fact that YOU CAN'T MARRY A MAN YOU JUST MET!) 

Finally, someone said it!

But most of all, it taught us this:

But let's be real, this is my love life:

And let's be real, if you haven't already seen this viral video, you should probably just suck it up and watch it because it's freaking amazing.  You're welcome.